Script is God…

Producer’s Point of View:

“We need to make a good film. You know a total blockbuster. What was the name of that movie… arre woh hero jismein building to building jump karta hai! Something of that sorts. I want a script which beats action of every blockbuster till date. And I want the same building jumper guy in my film! And an item number which of course would be an absolutely essential part of the film.”  

Director’s Point of View:

“Script-vipt sab thik hai…but I make the movie what it is. Anyone can come up with a good story. But it is the craft of making the script in to a full-fledged film that matters! Any so-called superstar can jump from building to building. But how I make the jumping look different from other movies is what makes or breaks the movie. I know the masses and I know what they want!”

The ‘Superstar’s Point of View:

“I learnt how to jump from one building to another for my last film. True Oscar-winning acting skills and determination right there!”

Superstar’s PR’s Point of View:

“Forget all the jumping, hope the new movie has some good actress. It has been long since an affair story went in to the market for my client. How else will he dismiss all the ‘rumors’ and call it ‘unnecessary gossip’? I mean serious acting and action aint gonna get any publicity for this movie in any way!”

Superstar’s Rival Superstar’s Point of View:

“I hope the critics trash the movie even before it releases! And boy I gotta add a building jumping sequence in my next film. It is high time that I do something different and off-beat!”

Actress’s Point of View:

“They do not make any more female-oriented films these days! But at least I will get to do two dance numbers, one chase sequence to showcase my talent and an emotional scene to confirm my nomination in all the award shows this year. I wish they would ditch the item number idea though. All the focus would be taken off of me!”

Item Girl’s Point of View:

“The song is an integral part of the film. Very crucial to take the script ahead. Right after this song the hero starts to jump around all the buildings. And the director is a very good friend of mine so I agreed to do this number. Did I mention the item song is an integral part of the script?”

Technician/ Crew Member’s Point of View:

“So many cables, such security, numerous hassles and all this on a tight budget! Why can’t these actors act instead of jumping around all the buildings?”

An Aspiring Actor’s Point of View:

“These people have a pool of resources, money as well as talent. Why waste it all for a so-called copied action sequence and an item number? If given a chance, I would add so much depth to the character. I will do background research of the character’s life, do my homework to emote his feelings in different situations, practice my body-movements to give authenticity to the character and discuss the scenes with various members of the crew to take their feedback. If only I could get one chance…”

A Movie Critic’s Point of View:

“Why am I being constantly, week after week subjected to the same no-brainer movies with ‘inspired’ stories and non-to-inspiring action sequences? Is it so hard to get a good script, bring on some decent and enthusiastic actors and make a good movie? And seriously what is up with all the roof-top jumping?!”

A Script-writer’s Point of View:

“I have a script ready. But it lacks almost everything that is evidently needed to make a blockbuster. Well for one thing, the script actually comprises of a story. There are no slap-sticks, no offensive jokes, no unessential action sequences, no item numbers, no loud music, no over-the-top family drama, no guy taking his shirt off and no zero-figure models. But I do have a decent story. It is an inspiring tale which I think will go well with the youth. If an actor worth his/ her salt puts in some serious efforts with the director’s view, I believe this script could reach the audience’s heart.”

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I know this is quite generalized representation of the film industry (so please take it with a pinch of salt!). But this unfortunately is the trend we see these days with our movies. To reach the 100 Crore (or the 200 Crore) club, movies rely on everything except for the script. There is ray of hope with off-beat yet commercially successful movies like Udan, Kahani, Talash, Barfi, English Vinglish, Special 26 and most recently Kai Po Che. At least we seem to be nearing the stage where there is no definite distinction between the so-called commercial cinema and art cinema. As a hardcore movie fanatic, I just hope that we see more and more movies which have strong script, good acting, and brilliant direction. After all, who said that entertainment has to be a complete no-brainer? All we need is to change our point of view as the audience!

 

 

 

A letter to Rahul Dravid

Dear Mr. Dravid,

I know you must be getting tons of messages and letters after you announced your retirement from International Cricket. Well here is one more from an avid fan and admirer of yours. I guess I became fan of Rahul Dravid first and cricket later (this phenomenon became common for girls post the entry of a certain gentleman named M.S. Dhoni). Anyway, I just wanted to say, I, like a lot of other Indians respect your decision to retire and as you said to ‘move on’.

Newspapers are now filled with your achievements and records. But records can be and are meant to be broken, what will stay is your greatness within our minds. I think you were the original Mr. Cool of Indian cricket team. I mean which other ‘star cricketer’ can pull off the nickname ‘Jammy’ as effortlessly? I guess that is why you had such a loyal fan following, you were so calm and composed both on and off field. Your fame was not as short-lived as a T-20 match.

While we all admire the young guns of our cricket team, there is something missing… something which players like you, Kumble, Srinath, and Laxman brought to the game. You guys made us believe that cricket truly is a gentleman’s game. We know you do not like being called ‘The Wall’ of the team, but you really were the wall! It might be entertaining to watch batsman hit 4’s and 6’s in every over, but I liked your technique of attacking opposite team’s mind. You challenged the popular belief that a defensive batsman can only be successful in Test cricket.

It is true that with changing times, the game changes. Cricket is no exception to this rule. But right now our team needs a Wall, someone as dependable as you. Someone who knows how to handle success (post the CWC win, our team sure could have done with some success handling tips!), someone who can keep his cool in every situation, someone who knows that instant fame will never help in building a long lasting career, and someone who keeps the team discussions to the dressing room and not make them public!

You have made the country proud on so many occasions. Your game, the way you carried yourself in public, your speech at Sir Don Bradman Oration, how you avoided controversies on and off field, your amazing technique, and last but of course not the least- you retirement! You have managed to do, what Kapil Dev said a few days back- A player should retire at his peak and on his own terms.

We will miss seeing you on field!

Sincerely,
One of your billion…nay…zillion fans

Oh Television!!!

{Characters: Madhu- Wife (Soap opera lover), Mahesh- Elder son (Hindi movies lover), Jay- Younger son (Hollywood flicks fanatic), Dina- Daughter (Mad after western sitcoms), Karan- Neighbor (lives for cricket), Mr. Khurana- Husband (Too busy to mull around in any kind of movies or shows) }

Mr. Khurana: What a busy day! Roads in this city are impossible! Took me two hours to reach home from work. Madhu, would you please get me a glass of water?

Madhu: Sure, as soon as Dimple kills her third husband.

Mr. Khurana: uhh...what? Who is killing what now?

Madhu: Shh! Just in a minute Dimple from my most favorite TV series “Kahu toh kaise kahu ke kuch kehna nahi hai” is going to kill her third husband. She is wearing her small bindi in today’s episode. It is a sign that she will kill someone.

Mr. Khurana: Seriously do you even know you are talking? Like saying words! These soaps make no sense. Killing her third husband…

Jay: Well dad, it’s not just soap operas. Indian movies are no less hilarious and far away from reality. Priyanka Chopra was shown killing 7 husbands in her film. I mean you would think after 3-4 mistakes she would pretty much give up on that front, but no sir!

Madhu: Really son! Is this the kind of stuff you go talking in front of your dad?

Jay: (To himself) Yea…and its okay to watch those atrocious soaps at home in front of your family!

Mr. Khurana: Looks like glass of water will have to wait. So much for trying to copy the ‘adarsh naari’ of TV world. Where’s my daughter Dina?

Jay: She went to cut her hair like Rachel.

Mr. Khurana: Who’s Rachel?

Jay: Jennifer Aniston.

Mr. Khurana: Who’s Jennifer Aniston?

Jay: The actress who played Rachel.

Mr. Khurana: *stares at Jay*

Jay: Dad! Okay, she used to play this famous character on F.R.I.E.N.D.S like a century back! But in our country those sitcoms are shown even today and some of the ‘I-wanna-be-happening’ girls like my sister try to copy her in this day and age.

Mr. Khurana: Well I must say she has got her mother’s genes!

(Door bell rings)

Madhu: Damn it! Must be our neighbor Karan. He is been to our home thrice in the last hour to check the score. Why can’t they buy a TV already!

Mr. Khurana: Maybe they saw my condition and learnt a lesson. (Gets the door) Oh hello Karan. How are you boy? How are the preparations for your board exams going?

Karan: Nothing is going good uncle! My friend just texted me…

Mr. Khurana: Oh! What happened?

Karan: The Mirchi Masala’s need 4 runs in a single ball…

Mr. Khurana: The Mirchi who now?

Karan: Uncle, you do not know anything about cricket! Mirchi Masala’s are the strongest contenders for this year’s FPL

Mr. Khurana: What’s FPL?

Karan:  Fashion Premiere League! It’s all over the News! Cricketers from around the world were auctioned to play for the fashion world! Winning team will get to walk on the ramp!

Mr. Khurana: That’s every cricketer’s dream!

Karan: (Completely missing the sarcasm) Isn’t it? Aunty can I watch the score please?

Madhu: Okay. Kanaknayani did not kill her husband anyway. May be she will do it in tomorrow’s episode. Fingers crossed!

(Mahesh enters home)

Mahesh: Unfair! Unjust! Everyone is corrupt here. No wonder this country is making no progress.

Mr. Khurana: What happened son? Any trouble in your college?

Mahesh: I did not go to college today. But get this- They gave the best film award to Don 14

Mr. Khurana: 14?

Mahesh: Yea! It should totally have gone to Dhoom 23! I mean this one was so freaking different than earlier Dhoom’s. Abhishek actually caught the villain in this movie!

Mr. Khurana: That is the different part?

Mahesh: Yes dad. And the special effects were so cool!

Jay: Huh! What a joke! You know these Bollywood movies just copy everything from Hollywood.

Mahesh: That has NEVER been proven! We might take little inspiration from here and there, but that does not count.

Jay: Are you kidding…

Madhu: Do not fight over petty issues!

Mr. Khurana: Crying over Kanyakumari’s black saree is not petty at all.

Madhu: Her name is Kanaknayani and I cried only once because it was shattering to see her in such pain.

Mr. Khurana: So black saree equals pain?

Mahesh: Of course dad! That is why even in movies every sad song is pictures in deserts where the leads wear black cloths.

Jay: Because who will go in to the trouble of enacting the scene, right? Let the cloths do all the work.

Mr. Khurana: Stop it both of you. Karan, is the match not over yet?

Karan: Oh the match is over. Mirchi Masala’s lost to Khatarnak Khiladi’s. I am watching highlights.

Jay: Isn’t it a 6 over’s match?

Karan: Yes.

Jay: So what are they ‘highlighting’?

Mr. Khurana: 6 overs! This is not cricket! Real fun is in Test Matches…

(Karan, Mahesh, and Jay start laughing)

Mr. Khurana: It’s true.

(Dina enters the house)

Dina: How do I look?

Madhu: Oh my God! Who ran a knife blade on your hair?

Dina: What? Mom! It is my ‘Rachel’ look! Does it not look trendy?

Madhu: Seriously what is up with your hair?

Dina: Forget it! Jay, I will need your laptop today.

Jay: What for?

Dina: I have to download latest episode of HIMYM.

Mr. Khurana: What is HIMYM?

Dina: How I Met Your Mother.

Mr. Khurana: Dina! Is this the way you talk about your grand-mom?

Dina: Huh? No dad, HIMYM stands for How I Met Your Mother. It is the story of this guy who is telling his kids how he met their mom.

Mr. Khurana: Really, an entire series based on that?

Dina: Well yes, See he has to tell about all the girls he thought would be the mother before he actually met the mother!

Jay: Hey dad, you never told us how you met mom?

Mr. Khurana: At a wedding.

Dina: Really? Whose?

Mr. Khurana: Ours. Back then the boy and girl used to meet directly in the shaadi ka mandap.

Dina: Oh dear god!

Jay: Wow! Dad, you should have been the scriptwriter of HIMYM. Would have saved us all the trouble of hearing Ted’s boring stories about the girls who are NOT the mom.

Dina: Oh if you hate it so much, why watch? And besides it is much more interesting than your Sci-fi Hollywood movies.

Mahesh: I agree. Hollywood makes some super unbelievable crap. Like how the hell is it possible to design your own dreams?

Mr. Khurana: Well son, that is life. You have to design your dreams, make them come true.

Mahesh: No dad, this movie I am talking about actually deals with designing a dream. Like with architects and stuff. My friends were going on and on about it. It’s called Infection or something…

Jay: It’s Inception and it is a genius film! Much more believable than your 20 versions of Dhoom or Ra.One.

Mahesh: Wait which one? Abhishek’s Ravan or SRK’s Ra.One?

Mr. Khurana: There are two?

Jay: Yes dad…lack of creative brains I tell you!

Mr. Khurana: Who plays Ram?

Jay, Mahesh: What?

Mr. Khurana: Who plays Ram in these movies?

Mahesh: Why would you need Ram in a movie named Ravan?!

Mr. Khurana: Why indeed!

Dina: Karan, do you mind moving to the chair? I need to keep the laptop on the sofa.

Karan: But that’s my favorite place on this sofa. If I sit there, India wins the match.

Jay: Dude! Get over those superstitions… None of that is real.

Karan: But your Harry Potter and Narnia stuff is real, isn’t it?

Jay: It’s fiction and it is genius.

Dina: Oh Karan, would you just move? Don’t be such a Sheldon about your place.

Mr. Khurana: Who is Sheldon?

Dina: This guy from a show I like. It’s called Big Bang Theory.

Mr. Khurana: I didn’t know my daughter had a liking towards science. That’s nice!

Dina: Science? Why would you think that? I told you I want to be a chef like Monica...

Mr. Khurana: Well you are watching a show based on Big Bang theory, so I thought…

Dina: Show is not based on but named Big Bang Theory and it is based on nerds.

Madhu: Silly shows! Karan, would you put on K TV? It is time for my dinner-time show.

Mahesh: Mom, please not today! Sholay is being shown on Z TV and I want to watch that film.

Jay: Again!!! No way! Bhai, you must have watched that movie like 100 times!

Mahesh: 133 to be precise.

Jay: I was just going for a way of expression! Why do you want to watch it again then? It is not that great if you ask me…

Mahesh: (In an angry tone) DON’T YOU DARE SPEAK ILL ABOUT SHOLAY! And if you think it is not that great, why would your Hollywood people copy the most amazing scene from it?

Jay: Oh please! Hollywood copy from Bollywood? It is like saying Rihhanna copying Bipasha’s hair-cut!

Mahesh: Well sir, here is a news for you. The coin-flip thing from The Dark Knight is a rip off. From Sholay. It was on the News.

Mr. Khurana: Really? Is that what they show on News these days?

Karan: Guys, check this out! All the cricketers are walking on the ramp. This is cool man!

Mr. Khurana: Wait, the fashion show has begun already? But they just won! Shouldn’t there be a presentation ceremony?

Karan: Yea they do it in the dressing room uncle. Cricketers do not have all the free time in this world! See, after this fashion show, some of them are going on a tour to England, two of the guys have a contract to dance at a wedding, I think all the bowlers are playing for KAPL, the Kapda Association Premiere League…and yea, the captain is getting married tomorrow.

Mr. Khurana: Tomorrow? And he is still playing today?

Karan: Well uncle, country comes first! But it is sad that he will not be attending his sangeet ceremony. You see, he is from Assam and that’s far. He will not reach in time.

Jay: Assam?

Dina: Yes it is some island near India.

Mr. Khurana: What?! It is so not an island!

Madhu: Kids, really you should watch less TV and study more geography.

Mr. Khurana: Well, you are not setting up a good example yourself! Why do you have to watch those dumb soap operas every day?

Madhu: First, you come home late and now you shout at me. This is exactly how Shyamlee’s husband treats her on Annkho se Palakhon Tak ki Duriyaan.

Mr. Khurana: Aankho se… that is name of a TV show? Really how far can eyes go from the eyelashes? The series should get over even before it begins!

Jay: All these hindi shows and movies make no sense. I mean it’s the same thing over and over again. Rich girl, poor guy, they meet, fall in love, either get married or die tragically.

Mahesh: And Titanic was so different because…??

Jay: Don’t even compare! The ship, the special effects, the…

Dina: Jay, they are not paying you to say nice things about Hollywood so just keep quiet. Between you and Mahesh, we can never decide Who’s The Boss.

Jay: You know Dina, quoting sitcoms which are so old, they can be fossilized, is NOT cool.

Mr. Khurana: Well, in our time, we did not have this problem. We listened to Vividhbharathi on radio. No TV, no channels, no fights.

Madhu: Awww… Jaykanth is also fond of listening to the radio.

Mr. Khurana: Who is Jaykanth?

Mahesh: Jaykanth Shikre. Kuch bhi karne ka, Jaykanth Shikre ka ego hurt nahi karne ka!

Jay: Pfft!!

Madhu: No, I meant Jaykanth from Karamjali. He is Baa’s husband.

Mr. Khurana: Baa?

Madhu: yea..

Dina: O.M.G! Is this THE BAA? The 235 years old lady who just will not die?

Madhu: Well, they just celebrated her 236^th birthday on the show. God bless her. How do you know of her?

Dina: Saw it on the News.

Mr. Khurana: Really what is up with the News channels these days? How can you call it News? And Madhu, how can you watch which shows woman living for 235 years! What is she, a cave?

Karan: That is why I am in to sports. No movies and shows are as exciting as sports.

Jay: Dude, sports does not equal cricket only!

Karan: Sure it does! Cricket is our national game.

Mr. Khurana: No it is not! Our national game is hockey.

Karan: Oh man! When did they change that?

Mahesh: Must be after the release of Chak De India. SRK must have pulled some strings. Publicity stunts I tell you!

Dina: Download over! Wow I hope Barney marries Robin!

Madhu: Well I just hope Kanaknayani kills her husband tomorrow.

Mahesh: I’m keeping my fingers crossed for Abhishek to get Best Actor Award in Fairytale Men’s Cream LIFA Award show!

Jay: Dude, even Abhishek is not hoping for that! Well I am going to watch a Hollywood flick tomorrow which I know is going to be awesome! Because that is Hollywood- guaranteed genius films!

Mahesh: Pfft!

Karan: While you guys hope for your non-existing fictional characters, I will be praying for The Zordaar Jaabaj to win tomorrow!

Mr. Khurana: Well, I was hoping for a cold glass of water after 10 hours in office and 2 hours in traffic. But instead what I got was wives killing husbands, dad telling their kids disturbing stories of him meeting the mother, Hollywood v/s Bollywood fights, and cricketers who spend more time in anything other than cricket! 

What can I say?! Oh Television!

Bon Voyage!

Sindakhed Raja Fort

Sometime back my friend said that every individual really thrives for two things in his life- A house to settle down and a car to get long away from that house! There is something about visiting different places that almost no one can resist. And I have always been a big travelling junkie. Lucky for me, I am raised in a family where everyone likes to visit new places, so I guess the travelling bug was planted in me a long time ago.

Kaziranga National Park, Assam

Mini-Train @ Darjeeling

Apart from short one day trips near my hometown, the trip I distinctly remember from my childhood days is when we went down south. Be it the magnificent Marina beach at Chennai (then, it was called Madras), the serene clouds and hills of Ooty, the eye-catching architecture of Meenaxi temple at Madurai, the amazing cycling tracks of Kodaikanal, the auspicious Tirupati temple or the deep blue sea at Kanyakumari and Rameshwaram, the southern part of India had left me marveled and amazed! It was in this trip I realized one thing- India has such diverse culture that one could visit these places again and again and still would get something new to see and learn.

As I grew up, school trips became something I looked forward to. Climbing the Daulatabad fort with my friends, learning about Wind Mill of Aurangabad from my teachers, being awed by the beauty and scale of Ajanta-Ellora caves and all this amidst of singing and dancing in school bus! There was also a short trip to Lonar Salt Lake I arranged in the 9^th grade with my friends (I guess that was the beginning of ‘In charge of arranging and coordinating trips’ phase :-p)

What I liked the most about these trips was that no one cared about day-to-day stuff when on we were out. And also it’s amazing how much you can learn by visiting different places. For example, I developed an early interest in the history of Maharashtra because I went to many forts and other historical places like Sindakhed Raja. And I always thought of myself as NOT a beach person until I visited Ratnagiri and Ganpati Phule.

In recent years I got to go to places like Nepal, Darjeeling (by far my most favorite hill station!), Matheran, Bhimashankar, and of course an amazing college excursion to Meghalaya and Kaziranga National Park, Assam. North-eastern states of India are blessed with natural beauty and what they all have in common is a zealous culture. Another reason my college trip was memorable for me was the 60 hours long train journey and my big suitcase (always a bad idea to carry extra luggage on such long expeditions!).  

All those who love to tour would tell you that there is an exasperating side to taking a trip, and that is the ‘planning’ part! I and my couple of friends have experienced this for past 2 years that nothing takes away the fun of a trip as an extravagant planning session (in our cases 4-6 sessions). For we plan and plan and plan and almost half our plans do not pan out L. Thanks to excessive Mumbai rains or terror threats or the biggie- permissions, we had to let go of our many trekking trips. But we did manage to go on a not-so-impromptu Lonavala-Lohgad trip and a road trip to Alibaug (long story :-p). And these trips were an indication for us to stop planning and just picking our bags and going where we want to go…if only we would learn!

Taj Mahal

A spontaneous outing has its own charm and fun; this I realized last month when I went to Agra-Mathura with family and friends without thinking, planning or even applying for a leave! I just took a decision and got in to the train and now I thank that moment I decided to go on this trip because otherwise I would have missed the most spectacular view of Taj Mahal, birthplace of Lord Krishna, and not to forget a fun-filled journey back home where none of the 15 of us had a confirm ticket!

Kanyakumari

All these travelling sprees have certain common things- fun, learning experience, certain tough times, and did I mention lots of fun?! Someone has rightly said that ‘Life is a journey and those who do not travel, read only a single page.’ For as happy as I am that I did not stick to reading a single page, there are so many pages that are still to be read! Next in line are the amazing chapters of Gujarat and Rajasthan and someday may be even Egypt, Greece, Paris, and (this one I keep praying for) Venice!  

Venice

Thank God it’s The Day before Weekend!

Friday! Favorite day of the week. Definitely better than even Saturday and Sunday because the anticipation of weekend is better than the weekend itself! The ‘working professionals’ wait for this day like their life depends on it. I don’t know how and when I became the official member of ‘I love Friday’ community; I guess shortly after my first job (in the first week, you know the first Monday :p).

Fridays have always been all about fun. I remember, as a child I used to wait for Friday because that was the only day Doordarshan would telecast a ‘Hindi feature Film’ (this was the pre-‘cable-100s of channels to select from’ era). As television meant only DD1, there was a real happiness in watching that one movie. Also the fact that Friday used to be the last day of week to put on uniform (civil cloths being allowed on Saturdays in our school) was very exciting for me as a kid.

Then in college Friday was the best for me because it meant release of one thing I am so passionately passionate about- Movies! Catching every new movie first day show was the greatest achievement for us in college. So every Friday morning, going through out newspapers to check out movie timings was kind of inevitable.

But, the actual importance of Friday was taught to me and so many others when we became ‘employees’. Friday to us is all about FREEDOM! Not that other weekdays are about captivity or anything but we love the fact that Friday gives us a chance to stay up all night if we wish to, because next day we can get up as late as we wish. There is this positive zeal in atmosphere in air on Fridays that suddenly we do not mind the workload, traffic or noise (change in perspective, if you may.) All the planning for weekends (no matter if half the plans do not pan out :p), catching up with friends, and the ‘free as a bird’ feeling are sure to make anyone fall in love with Fridays! The clock which on any other weekday seems to have stopped moves super fast on a Friday!

So that’s Friday: Perfect merger point between weekdays and weekends and the best day to come to work! Ahh…if only every weekday could be a Friday! (Ok now I am seriously high of the Friday spirit! :p)